LAWS OF WORK

If you can't get your work
done in the first 24 hours, work nights.

A pat on the back is
only a few centimeters
from a kick in the butt.

Don't be irreplaceable,
if you can't be replaced,
you can't be promoted.

It doesn't matter what you do,
it only matters what you say you've done
and what you're going to do.

After any salary raise,
you will have less money at the
end of the month than you did before.

The more crap you put up with,
the more crap you are going to get.

You can go anywhere you want
if you look serious and carry a clipboard.

Eat one live toad the first thing
in the morning and nothing worse
will happen to you the rest of the day.

When the bosses talk about improving
productivity, they are never
talking about themselves.

If at first you don't succeed,
try again. Then quit.
No use being a damn fool about it.

There will always be beer cans
rolling on the floor of your car
when the boss asks for a ride
home from the office.

Keep your boss's boss
off your boss's back.

Everything can be filed under
"miscellaneous."

Never delay the ending
of a meeting or the beginning
of a cocktail hour.

To err is human,
to forgive is not our policy.

Anyone can do any amount
of work provided it isn't the work
he/she is supposed to be doing.

Important letters that contain no
errors will develop errors in the mail.

If you are good, you will be
assigned all the work. If you are
really good, you will get out of it.

You are always doing something
marginal when the boss drops by your desk.

People who go to conferences
are the ones who shouldn't.

If it wasn't for the last minute,
nothing would get done.

At work, the authority of a person
is inversely proportional to the number
of pens that person is carrying.

When you don't know what to do,
walk fast and look worried.

Following the rules will not
get the job done. Getting the job done
is no excuse for not following the rules.

No matter how much you do,
you never do enough.

The last person that quit or was fired
will be held responsible for everything that goes wrong.